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This is a tricky one because it needs to be signposted all over with big signs saying ‘DIFFERENT PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT AND WILL RESPOND TO FEELINGS DIFFERENTLY.’ There are a few baselines – as the great Captain Awkward says, people who like you will act like they like you – but this stuff is subject to an immense and absurd degree of individual variation.Really, if you like someone the only way to actually know her feelings for sure is to take a deep breath and ask her.Someone who’s found an antique copy of your favorite childhood book and a chess set with characters from your favorite fantasy novel as a gift is…probably not just in it for a one-night stand.Someone you meet at a party who tells you you’re beautiful, keeps catching your eye from across the room and squeezes your hand significantly on the way past might well be.

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If the person in question frequently compliments you, on your physicality or your mind, it’s generally a good sign.

I suspect predominantly queer circles are a bit different here - certainly in my social environments people are generally more affectionate towards one another than in the ‘mainstream,' and there is less stigmatization of affection - but it’s because we are all politically conscious and consent culture-y and it comes with an extra layer of negotiated consent ('do we do hugs? To get back to the point, a lot of the time touching means sexual interest or at least a level of emotional comfort which means it’s okay to ask!

In this day and age it doesn’t matter if it’s texting or Whats App or Facebook or whatever – if somebody goes out of their way to maintain a conversation with you and a general low-key presence in your life, that’s a positive sign. We’re all so busy and so besieged with jobs and messages that who we choose to communicate with regularly is generally a fairly reliable (although definitely not infallible! If you’re on that list for somebody new or somebody who maintains an edge of flirtatious or engaging curiosity, that’s a significant thing.

If every time you hang out – or fairly early in the conversation with an attractive new person at a party – the conversation repeatedly turns to being queer, what it means, how you experience it, how you came out, etc…then it’s worth considering it might be a hint.

Bonus points for meeting each other’s eyes intensely and then looking away.

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